New beginnings

I guess you might say that life is now starting: college is over, I have met the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, we moved from our quaint agricultural hippie town of Chico to the bustling foggy & smoggy metropolis of Fresno, CA for a real professional job (with a real professional wage) and a few dreams of our own.

The real professional job (and real professional wage) belongs to the person I want to spend the rest of my life with – sometimes I like to call him Money Bags. I opted in on this adventure only to find myself in a new place at a new time in my life with so many open doors in front of me.

Sometimes though, life does not seem so full of opportunity. Sometimes it seems more full of missed opportunity, regret, other chances for a different life entirely, all these other people who are infinitely better than me (for whatever reasons I might think), and like I would feel better by dissolving into thin-air or wallowing in my own negativity.

At times, it’s really difficult for me to be positive. Thinking on the bright-side has always been something I wanted to be good at, but was never something that came second-nature. Case in point:

Recently, I’ve been having thoughts like these:
“I should start looking for a job.”
“What am I doing with my life?”
“Roxy, I love you but I really don’t like you right now.”
“The apartment is a mess, why did I let myself fall in love with such a slob?”

When really I should have been having thoughts like these:
“I am so fortunate to have time right now to figure my life out.”
“Roxy, you are sweet and I would be heart-broken if something happened to you.”
“I can’t control everything. And that is really a-okay.”

So, as a slight introduction to these ideas and pixels you see on the screen, I hope to slowly change my own outlook on life. I hope to change it from kind of sometimes positive seeming to truly, deep down to the core, positive.

After all, I love myself a lot and I will always strive to be the best me that I can be. I think there is something truly commending and admirable about turning a “well that’s an unfortunate situation” into “I’ve really got a good thing going here.”

All everything really is, is perspective.

(k)
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One thought on “New beginnings

  1. michelemarykyle

    I get it. Not too fun of a place for you personally to be in right now, even though most looking in would think that you are in an enviable space. Your honesty and introspection are refreshing. So glad we can keep in touch and I look forward to your next post. Doug and I had a good grin about Roxy. Love the pic.

    Reply

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