Rummaging through files on the computer is fun. Especially when you stumble upon things like this:
This struggle I have is internal. I feel like one of those Chinese finger traps, in that the more I struggle and go in my own direction, the more back-lash I get and the more criticism I face.
My struggle is this: I question the society I am a part of. I feel like the one tiny helpless ant in a massive colony who sees more to life than working to live, living at work, and existing to engage in this tangled messy knot of work and money and doing what we are “supposed to do” and contribute to society.
This has been my topic of discussion lately and I can’t seem to shake it. Why is this become the norm? How do we spend more time at work than with our loved ones? How do we consistently work jobs that we despise in order to “live” in the world today?
If I could, I think I would honestly take up a life where I had no part of this. No part in it at all. I could live in a tiny house with the love of my life and the dog, spend my time cooking foods from the garden, and purchase only absolute necessities, while finding a way to make the rest by hand. In doing this, we could purge our lives of the excess that we live in and the junk that seems to make our lives worth living – fancy cars parked in garages, unnecessary kitchen gadgets, cold movie theatres, convenience stores, fast food, professional sports, RC cars, cookie jar collections, fad diets, pre-made dinners, tomatoes grown 5,000 miles away and shipped to me in the dead of winter.
I don’t want anything to do with it. I don’t want anything to do with you. Frankly, you disgust me.
What I want is a life of love, filled with the people that I love and the things that I love to do. A simple life filled with simple things: home-grown food, nourishing sourdough bread, playing with the dog, and doing everything with someone worth spending time with.
Even in the past, that passion and sparkle was still there.